If getting jobs was a job, I’d be #1 in the world. In the last six months I’ve been offered roughly 35. In my life…maybe 200? I don’t have a degree and I don’t consider myself an expert on anything aside from maybe astrology, obscure old school horror, reading and convincing fearful dogs to come to me. But I present well. I’m charming, articulate. I can usually read people and read a room. Not always. The irony is those few jobs I’ve really really wanted have historically had absolutely no interest in me. In my 20s I was nomadic; in hospitality, hotels mostly. I was known for creatively quitting on impulse and having something new the next week. I thought I’d be a writer, even moving to Nola for that specific purpose; I wrote less there than at any other point in my life. All this is to say, I had my fun and buckled down. At 27, with a lucrative gov’t job replete with benefits, a county vehicle and pension. I bought a condo. I bought a car. I was officially a responsible adult.

After six years I ran away, yet again, to the beach; but ended up with another gov’t job. For another 6.5 years. It’s steady, pays well, has benefits. But tattoos, purple hair and personality are frowned upon. You have to be “work fake” when you’re in City Hall, with the police and politicians. It’s never been my jam. So I’m in a position now, for the first time in nearly two decades, where I’m not paying a mortgage or rent. And I kinda wanna do what the fuck I actually wanna to do. Which turns out to be: working with animals, yoga, and swinging from trees (literally). It feels organic to attempt a gig economy life, at least for a year or two. It’s exciting. And the responsible adults in my life are aghast. No pension! No benefits! No 401k! Think about your retirement!!

No. I’m not going to live for an uncertain tomorrow. The future is promised to no one. I’ve stayed in jobs and relationships I was miserable in for far, far too long; you never get that precious time back. Carpe motherfucking Diem. I also realize how privileged I’ve been to have the choices I’ve had. If I’d been born into a different family with different opportunities, I would have struggled harder and longer. And living recklessly can set you up to struggle even more down the line. But, if you find yourself consistently unhappy with any aspect of your life, be it work, love, the relationship you have with yourself, I would urge you to act on it. There is a reason that quiet voice inside is yearning for something else. Sometimes you have to walk a few miles down a lot of different roads in order to find the path that fits. And it’s a journey without end. Enjoy it while you can.


  1. Enjoyed seeing this window into your thoughts and feelings. Seems like you are seeking escape on one hand and something worthwhile on the other. Hope you find what you are looking for.

    One question: why go through the job application process so often if you don’t want the positions?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s a good question. For the most part it’s just sending in resumes and sometimes I’m contacted by people. It’s like there’s a war between my conditioning (what I “should” do) and what I’m actually passionate about. My parents really drilled in the ‘college, white picket fence, 40yrs at a job, pension’ narrative growing up. Thank you for reading! I appreciate the discourse. 🕉👍


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s