Pause

I was thinking about the myriad issues/problems in my life and the lives of those I love today. Regretting not expressing things to people while I had the chance, worrying about the outcomes (some life and death) of all of these “life learning experiences”. My laptop is falling apart; the left shift, X and spacebar really don’t work unless I’m aggressive-it’s a fucking pain. Three close ties are going through cancer treatment and one isn’t doing well. My dog is getting older and thinking about losing her hurts. I’m most likely over the halfway point of existence and I have little direction and no idea what the future holds. All of it was getting me down.

Then I came upon an article (linked here: https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2022/jan/23/ive-already-sold-my-daughters-now-my-kidney-winter-in-afghanistans-slums) and felt like the world’s most entitled asshole. Not just that though. We all have those moments; where we have a glint of perspective. Where we are reminded that a warm bed and food and a dog to pet are blessings; and nothing is forever. That, right there, is the message. Everything in this life is fleeting; even those things/people/places you think you could never live without. You will be forced to. Tragedy strikes, death rips people away and all of a sudden your sources of “happiness” are gone. You can easily become marred in the empty pit of darkness that loss personifies. But what if there was really nothing to lose?

I have to keep reminding myself that everything, everyone and everywhere is finite. You can miss the most precious moments right in front of you if you are stuck in the catacombs of the past or the certain uncertainty of the future. So many of us live in those two spaces, never really being here, now. And that really is all we have while we hold breath in our bodies. It isn’t easy to treasure something you know will disappear, but the only way to come close is experiencing the present with joy, devoid of attachment. In order to appreciate the magic in our lives we have to understand that it cannot, by design, last. And we must make peace with the suffering that will bring. Only after we’ve “lost” everything are we truly free. You can only lose that which you cling to.

2 Comments

  1. Deep thoughts and my impression is that you are still a young person. I believe you are a person with much empathy from reading this post. I imagine nurses in hospitals with much empathy suffer after every shift and would fall apart if they didn’t learn to handle it someway. I think you have a nurse’s heart and I encourage you to continue to care about others but also find a way to protect yourself. I think many nurses try not to focus on the fact that someone died, but instead how wonderful that they lived – the odds of being born are like 400 million to 1 !

    Liked by 1 person

  2. What a beautiful sentiment. Thanks for that and thank you for reading. Personally, I used to see suffering as the opposite of happiness or joy. Now I see it as a charcoal pencil underlining all the wonderful happenings around us. Dark, difficult, but helping to illuminate and appreciate the light. 🕉

    Like

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